Time is ruthless

it's already an entire day since my Grandad died. I didn't see that sneaking up on me.

It's Friday, I should be happy, the start of the weekend and two days of freedom. But I'm not. I'm unprepared for it. I need to wax my legs, wash my hair, find my clothes which seem to be tunnelling their way through to the flat next door. My flat is a state. The mice are getting cheeky and closer to the sleeping part of the room we live in. We're finding cockroaches on a daily basis now. And I've heard nothing about the place that we had put a side to move into once the contract (sentence) is up. In fact I've been told that we shouldn't really start looking until it does expire as we can't do anything until then anyway. Frustration!

That's exactly what it is, I'm frustrated because there's nothing I can do about any of the things that are irritating me. We signed a contract to stay in the flat for a year so that's what we have to do. I asked about the neighbours and as told they were nice. I should have got that in writing because it wasn't true, they were drug dealers that the landlord had been trying to evict for 18 months. When they were evicted and the property seized by the Met police they just took up their usual business in the courtyard. The police would come, search them, tell them to leave and they would be back within 10 minutes.

The other thing that is wrong with the flat is it's infested. There are mice and cockroaches. We noticed the mice as soon as we moved in and had a lone cockroach which Mark dutifully identfyed then released. But since we have new neighbours downstairs there are lots of them. My theory is that they were down there when the place was a drug den/whore house and now that the Summer is here their numbers have exploded and we're getting the overspill. The new neighbours are probably a lot cleaner than the last lot and therefore the roaches are trying to find somewhere they like. The pest control people were informed two weeks ago but because we don't have a doorbell they couldn't get in and we have to wait for another appointment. I don't think they're in a rush.

My job is unchallenging (I'm writing this whilst at work) and at the moment there is actually nothing to do. I'm not joking, nothing. I'm a temp so my job's never safe and I feel like this one is coming to an end. I feel like it came to an end about a month ago but they haven't let me go just in case. I've been looking for another job, I've even worked on my CV but I haven't got a covering letter yet so all of the replies I've got have been rejections. They have also moved the goal posts. I signed up for a job from 9-5:30 now that I've been here a while I'm being put on the t2 shift-9:30-6, no big deal, half an hour either side. I have a pub job I need to start at 6. I told them this. The phone supervisor has pushed and pushed for me to do t2. unrelentlessly. So now I have to and she's putting me on there twice a week. I wonder how long it'll take them to figure out that my absence due to sickness has gone up and seems to coincide with those days. I have to get a cover letter done and get out of here. I want a proper job, but there aren't any out there at the moment. I like the bar job but it means I'm working days and evenings and I'm knackered.

I'll carry this on later, I have to get breakfast. I'm not all that unhappy about my weight at the moment, I'm about a stone over weight, but that's something I can do something about. I'm having horrid porridge.

Happy Birthday MpB!

Last weekend was a great one. I don't have time to go into everything in detail but I'll do the itinery and fill in the gaps later.
Friday: Sam Smiths pub with Marks workmates and Dave.
Angel for 'do you remember the first time'-never made it, Steam passage for last orders.
Chip shop Mark has a need for excessive salt.
I fell asleep almost instantly Mark and Dave sat up chatting til dawn.
Saturday: Chelmsford. Pitch and putt with Mark, Dave and Luke then on to Romford dogs. Mark had a £40+ win-lucky sod, well it is his birthday weekend. Home. must. sleep.
Sunday: Dave and Jadey came to London. London museum. Wheterspoons for dinner. Then Two Brewers in Whitecross street. I pointed out where we'll be living on a map in the city-wish we were there already. We walked Dave and Jadey to Liverpool street then walked home.

It doesn't sound like much when it's put like that, but trust me it was well worth it!

My new friend

There were a few mistakes, a few light things to do and a bit of indecision that wasn't all mine for a change.


Phew, what a weekend it was.



Friday I went out with a friend of mine from the pub that I work in, we drunk Ale from Sussex and chatted. It's nice to get to know new people and Jon is one of the people that I'm genuinely interested in, rather than someone that I'm forced into knowing and have to tolerate (certain colleagues, friends of friends or friends of family members). The only real problem here is that the only time I've spent with him has been when I'm serving behind the bar or when we're both on the 'correct' side of the bar and then we get shitfaced. We both seem to enjoy the really strong pale ales so drunkardness sneaks up on us. And Jon does a disappearing act after a left hand milk stout. It's one of the things I like about him as I've been known to just leave once I've had enough-I'm not big on goodbyes when I'm drunk, they usually lead to sloppy kisses and the classic "You know you're my best friend, hic" or " I really love you man!" And it seems that even when I'm beyond remembering my own name I just know that this is not a dignifyed thing to do so I sneak off too. We had another of those nights that ends in me playing pac-man chasing a take away curry around the kitchen floor because Mark's put it on a plate but I'm too drunk to lift my head off of the floor so I push the plate forward with every bite I attempt.



Saturday we went to Ricmond park-WOW it's even prettier than I remembered, we saw the deer, the first time was from a distance, and we tried to get pictures with our phones and although we could see them quite clearly the camera picked them up as about 3 pixels on a screen of green and blue (The Rigante colours). Still it was a magical sight. We walked on through the park and came to a lake with a bench between it and an overgrown meadow so we sat and had lunch. Saw some beautiful blue mayflies and inspected a really ugly insect that landed on my ruck sack. As we got up to leave we saw the deer again, a lot closer this time and they were coming towards us. Some had anklers and they varied from 1 to 7 pointers, there were colour variations some being quite dark fawn and others quite bright whites. They were all beautiful and the anklers looked like they would feel like velvet to touch. I thought it looked sumptuous, Mark said the feel of velvet makes him itch. I shall put the pictures on here at somepoint when I play with this blog at home. They got closer and closer and I started to get a bit nervous-well they are a bit like small horses and one of them did try to eat me when we were in Wales. So we tried to back off but they kept coming, bloody hell we're beng surrounded by carnivorous deer! It all ended well when I hit one on the head with a digestive. Deer seem to like digestives-who knew?

O-a-sis, on Sun-day. Short pause. At Wem-bley
Words screached by a city dweller into her mobile phone at the crossing this morning. Mark's right you know. There are goung to be a lot more arseholes at the Oasis gig than there were at the Blur gig. I can see there being a few groups of chavs on an annual outing and more people will be there for the atmosphere (a place to get hammered) as apposed to the music. As I've said I'm a much bigger Oasis fan than a Blur fan, making me the odd one out in the circle of people that I mix with and I suppose that means that I'm more at home with the arseholes of this world than the relatively normal people that I work and socialise with.
I'm not sure if that's true or if I've just had to get used to it, having been 'the best of a bad bunch' at school or college or uni. I don't know when I'll get over this feeling of being hard done by. I'm 28 and still banging on about a 'difficult start' well I should have made up for it by now really.


Sorry, this is a shit post, I'm just waffling and wallowing in a bit of self pity. Poor me!
But at least I get to see O-a-sis, on Sat-ur-day and Sun-day. At Wem-bley.

See ya there you arsehole

What a weekend!

Phew!!

Blur in Hyde park (captured awsomeness)-sunning, drinking, dancing, waiting for the toilet. Watching 'Milky' (Mark) be a celebrity and having his photo taken with all and sundry.

Pride. Outfit not quite finished, but held together with safety pins =0
Parading around west end (more civvies than last year, not as much space or appreciation). Drinks around Soho, easily the most painful time for my feet in my entire life!
Went home exhausted!

Rounders in the park, Chelmsford with the PGCE people, twas lovely seeing all of them. But I didn't get as much of a chance to actually speak to them as I would have liked. Probably something to do with chasing that ball around a field! Nice Thai meal, sun stoke and a kip on the train on the way home.

Monday-sneaky day off to tidy the flat (found a massive cockroach, now that gave me some motivation!) sat at the table smoking (naughty naughty). Rain started at about 16:00, so now I know Mark won't be going to football, he's coming straight home so I run around fabreezing everything as I have no air freshner. I think I got away with it.

I've been having strange dreams recently, from what I remember about the one I had on Monday morning, I had dark hair a straight heavy fringe two side burn type bits a little longer than the fringe and the rest of my hair tied back. I remember this so vividly because as I looked in the mirror my left eye was blank. Just white-I could see out of it, I tested it. But then it started bleeding, I was crying blood. I remember I was trying to find someone or something in a supermarket-it was something to do with a job. But no-one bothered about my eye.

Weird, I'm sure it's something to do with the smoking-which I will stop again soon...

Blur-Hyde Park-Tomorrow!

So why am I listening to Jeff Waynes War of the Worlds on Youtube?



I was a mid-late teenager when the Blur/Oasis war was going on and I've retained alot of the thoughts I had then (not just on this topic either). Blur were softer quirkier and edgier. They had sounds that wouldn't have been out of place on an old fashioned carosel being run in a fair some time in the 1950's. They were cuter, esp Alex James-my own favourite and they were the group that all the popular kids at my school prefered. I, however prefered Oasis. Now I'm sure that part of that was me just trying to be different as this was a favourite pass time of mine along with the other being complaining that I didn't fit in anywhere. They were a bit rougher, the growlly gravelly voice over whining guitars. The publicity around them was more interesting too, two brothers having a scrap-it made the fame that they had seem attainable, they were just normal people who argued witht heir siblings, Blue sung songs about kids who's Dads were bankers, mine worked in a warehouse.


The images I got from their music was more real to me.

Moving forward

The weekly meeting was this morning, I've been going to them since I started 'working' here last May and the only thing that has ever concerned me was when we were told that the department was getting an all singing all dancing photocopier/printer/scanner and it turns out that I'll still be using the old one so even that was just a passing interest. As I'm temping here all the 'major changes' and 'trial runs' have meant nothing as what I do is uneffected. But I go so that I feel part of hte team and to show an interest. Showing an interest is becoming more and more difficult so I've started to take a notepad and noting down all the stupid office jargon that's said and the frequency of its use.
Todays meeting lasted 40 minutes and the term "going forward" was used 15 times-that's nearly once every two minutes. It was used by the Manager, phones supervisor, line manager and a few colleages. There was a stage where there was an uncomfortable silence broken soley by these words, I nearly fell off my chair laughing. I really don't know how I heald it together.

Well I think it's time that I 'moved forward' I need a real job, I'm fed up temping. I want the benefits that come with the commitment, not just the commitment of being afraid there will be no job at the end of next week. I've said it's about time I grew up and got some adult responsibilty, and I have to start with a proper job with real prospects. So as the 'system' that's been the talk of these pointless meetings for so long has crashed (again) I'm going to spend the day searching Reed employment and jazzing up my cv.

I've really got to get out of here!