(not my) New Job

Cunts

fuck it, that'll do

As I was walking to work this morning I notice the man in front of me, he was squat and barrel shaped and walked by swinging his arms outward and to a lesser extent his legs, he looked like a large bipedal lizard. As I was thinking this a small woman in a fawn coloured woolly had sped past like a deer running through the open. I think i might be watching too much David Attenborough as I seem to have turned my walk to work into a surreal safari!

Work was a little strange as I started in a new department today, the guy who's training me is really nice and open about never having trained anyone before and said if I think I need anything different just to say and we'd work it out. I said not to worry as I've had tonnes of training and I'm not shy so I will let him know if I'm not clear, but that it wouldn't actually show until I started doing stuff rather than watching other people do it. Part of the job is to go around the building checking for faults, I am so glad that I wore flat shoes and not the killer heels that make me feel great psychologically but cripple me physically. More about the new job when I know a bit more about it, my mind's still a bit shell shocked with everything I've learnt today.

I'd love to give you a thought provoking and structured entry, but as I've mentioned, we've found somewhere new to live so I've spent most of tonight having a bit of a clothes cull, a major sort out so that I can at least see what I've got, looking at books while Mark packed them up and painting my nails then peeling off the varnish-well I had to have a little bit of me time. So I simply haven't the time at the moment, sorry dolls.

I'll be back and sensible when life is a little calmer and, ironically, I have less to write about!

One sided relationships

It's OK, no don't run away, this is not a whinge about how 'I wish he loved me the way I do him' in fact, it's quite the opposite. I never noticed until recently how all relationships are one sided. There's one partner who dotes on the other, either in a sickening way where they permanently attach them self to the other or in the more subtle 'letting the other get away with absolute murder' because they couldn't imagine their life without them.

We've all seen the boyfriend that puts up with the repeat offender "I have given up smoking, at home, but we're in the pub now" or the boyfriend saying "I didn't mean to stay out all night, but Smithy's just had a baby boy and it all got a bit out of hand and my battery ran out but I didn't notice..."

And the partner either rolls their eyes and gets on with it or is a little frosty with the offender for a few hours/days then it's forgotten and life goes on. Every relationship I've had so far I've been on the smitten, doting side. Where I will get up early to make a special breakfast for him, or turn up at his wearing something to make his, ahem, eyes bulge, or plan surprise nights out that I know he'll go gaga for. This one's not like that-it was, well it would have been but the time I did go round dressed as a sexy Santa along with presents and everything was the morning after the night before and he'd been a naughty boy (half an hour or so earlier and, well, I'm trying not to think about that and it's not the point here anyway) the point is that I had to make a real effort not to put my partner back into the centre of my world. And do you know what? It's worked out just dandy, he brings me breakfast in bed-to the extent that he will go to the shops and buy stuff to bring home and cook for me, I am the recipient of beautiful hand made cards, I can 'give up' smoking every week and these are just things that I can think of off the top of my head. Why, oh why didn't I realise this before? This is the way it should be, I'm the centre of his world. He picks me up from work when I work late, which is the correct thing for a boyfriend to do, but not one of the rest of them would (maybe Matt, but he would have asked for petrol money).

I just don't understand why anyone would want to be on the other side of this partnership, yes it did give me a nice feeling doing things for the one I was showering with my adoration at the time but what does that mean to me now? What did I gain from it? Nicht. Nada. Sweet FA. That's what. Maybe it has something to do with getting older, I'm seeing the world in a more cynical light and, having been fucked over, I'm more guarded. I'm starting to ask 'what's in it for me' before I commit myself. As it turns out what's in it for me this time around is a sweet guy who is making up for a naive mistake due to lack of experience and setting a high standard of treatment. While I'm doing my best to learn forgiveness (Something that I don't generally do) I don't think I'll be particularly forthcoming if I ever do forgive. I don't think I want this to end!