One sided relationships

It's OK, no don't run away, this is not a whinge about how 'I wish he loved me the way I do him' in fact, it's quite the opposite. I never noticed until recently how all relationships are one sided. There's one partner who dotes on the other, either in a sickening way where they permanently attach them self to the other or in the more subtle 'letting the other get away with absolute murder' because they couldn't imagine their life without them.

We've all seen the boyfriend that puts up with the repeat offender "I have given up smoking, at home, but we're in the pub now" or the boyfriend saying "I didn't mean to stay out all night, but Smithy's just had a baby boy and it all got a bit out of hand and my battery ran out but I didn't notice..."

And the partner either rolls their eyes and gets on with it or is a little frosty with the offender for a few hours/days then it's forgotten and life goes on. Every relationship I've had so far I've been on the smitten, doting side. Where I will get up early to make a special breakfast for him, or turn up at his wearing something to make his, ahem, eyes bulge, or plan surprise nights out that I know he'll go gaga for. This one's not like that-it was, well it would have been but the time I did go round dressed as a sexy Santa along with presents and everything was the morning after the night before and he'd been a naughty boy (half an hour or so earlier and, well, I'm trying not to think about that and it's not the point here anyway) the point is that I had to make a real effort not to put my partner back into the centre of my world. And do you know what? It's worked out just dandy, he brings me breakfast in bed-to the extent that he will go to the shops and buy stuff to bring home and cook for me, I am the recipient of beautiful hand made cards, I can 'give up' smoking every week and these are just things that I can think of off the top of my head. Why, oh why didn't I realise this before? This is the way it should be, I'm the centre of his world. He picks me up from work when I work late, which is the correct thing for a boyfriend to do, but not one of the rest of them would (maybe Matt, but he would have asked for petrol money).

I just don't understand why anyone would want to be on the other side of this partnership, yes it did give me a nice feeling doing things for the one I was showering with my adoration at the time but what does that mean to me now? What did I gain from it? Nicht. Nada. Sweet FA. That's what. Maybe it has something to do with getting older, I'm seeing the world in a more cynical light and, having been fucked over, I'm more guarded. I'm starting to ask 'what's in it for me' before I commit myself. As it turns out what's in it for me this time around is a sweet guy who is making up for a naive mistake due to lack of experience and setting a high standard of treatment. While I'm doing my best to learn forgiveness (Something that I don't generally do) I don't think I'll be particularly forthcoming if I ever do forgive. I don't think I want this to end!