A little piece of wonderment

Mark and I went out with my best friend and his wife night before last, we had Thai food and watched a film that I really wanted to see. It was nice, not too expensive and it's always good to catch up with my favourite couple. But before hand I was an absolute nightmare, I don't know how Mark handles it, I don't know how I handle it. I became so anxious, I didn't want to go because it would be a rush and not actually that enjoyable, also it would mean spending money and we're trying to save on top of this I decided that the food was shit and the film would be rubbish-basically I was making things up so as to justify the way I was feeling. I just don't understand. I was about to do something socially, with friends and it was a film I'd said that I would like to see. the strop was so unnecessary!

Mark was exasperated he simply said that he didn't mind and if I wanted to stay home we could stay home, but if I wanted to go he was happy with that too. I felt like I was being backed into a corner and given no options-we'd said we'd go so we had to go, because I felt we had to go I no longer wanted to go. I'm even antagonistic toward the plans that I've made!

We left, I said that we couldn't let them down. I stamped my feet and made whiny desperate little noises on the walk there, Mark said that if I didn't want to go we could still go home and if I decided not to then we wouldn't have to go to the film. So he's leaving it all up to me, I know that's because he can see I'm having an anxiety attack and need to be calmed-he obviously thinks that by giving the decision to me it will subdue the rising panic. It doesn't it just adds to it because now I'm under pressure, I know that he wants to go and that I'll ruin his plans if I back out now. Suck it up, just suck it up and go with it Jade. We get to the pub, Alfie spots us through the window and sends us a big grin. I feel a bit better. The food was OK, but I did choose the wrong meal, I'd had enough of decisions by then and the waiter came over to our table too soon-mind you, if she'd left us for an hour or more I'd have still been deciding so I just looked for something that had spring onions and had that. Well half.
Got to the cinema and my head started again, Mark had given me the option of going home now if I'd wanted. Shit, a choice. That means another decision has to be made. I'm a fucking nervous wreck! Edy sees I'm looking peaky asks if I'm OK so I do something I don't usually do, I told her I'm having a minor panic because I'm not sure what I want she put her arm over my shoulders and just said "don't be silly Jade, we're going in we're going to watch the film and it'll be fun" I believed her (it helps that she has the cutest accent in the world) and we went in and the film was good. Mark and Wes sat in the cheap seats whereas Alfie, Edy and I snuck into the VIP seats and so where comfortable and had the film in our eye line.

When the credits began to roll we packed up and shipped off out of the darkness, in the lobby the walls are all windows and we were greeted with the sight of snow falling around the Christmas tree that was still in the middle of the Angel centre. Truly magical. So the food wasn't great and the film was alright but nothing special but this part of the evening made it all worth while. I was there with people that I hold in the highest regard and saw one of the prettiest and most Christmassy things I've ever seen. I do believe it was real magic. I think it might have a gone a little way to repairing Christmas.