Cold bright and steely eyed

I wish I'd had something to capture the way the sky looked this morning, on my right as I crossed Tower bridge the sky was a grey as steel, angry looking but clear-I could see all the way down to the BT tower. And on the left there was a continuation of the steely sky with a cut straight through it, complete across the skyline, showing brilliant blue and blazing sun. As it's October the sun won't be warm but seeing it breaking through and usurping the clouds is still nice. Looking towards the grey side had some hidden treasures too, the HMS Belfast was lit up as it it were in a west end musical, the sun shining off the glossy surfaces making it stand out and leaving me with an expectation that it was about to burst into song. There was a solitary swan swimming around the traitors gate, shining bright white in the virgin sun light, probably picking the bones of ancient victims of the Tower. OK, it probably wasn't but I wanted something grusome in this post, it's all going a bit too well.

Holiday was wonderful

And I'll write about that later-sorry it's taken so long, but I went back to working day and night shifts for the last two days and tonight, Friday night, I'm looking forward to a nice early night so that I can be fresh faced for my best friend's wedding tomorrow.

Anyway, that's not what I wanted to say here. My boyfriend bought me an apple danish and put it in my work bag. I had it with my coffee for breakfast. I'll be smiling all day now. Don't you think that was a sweet thing to do?

Happy days

What you drop on the swings you tend to pick up on the roundabout.
Life's a circle and at the moment, I'm up.



"It's ok to be denied but it is not ok to be replaced"

That's enough gloating, it's Tuesday so I should probably tell you about the gig on Friday, it was Reel Big Fish and they played at The Forum, Kentish town. I don't know why but I get really anxious before a planned event, all I have to do is turn up and I know it will be a fun night but all I see are all the 'what ifs' and 'buts' all the bad ones. It's almost like a panic where I want to dig my heels in and utter those infamous words "I don't want to" they had real meaning when I was a teenager, I was stubborn as a mule and once I'd said it-even if I'd changed my mind-would never budge. Anyway, I'm older and although not wiser I'm certainly no where near as stubborn as I was then, so I go and I smile although I feel strange almost frightened for no reason at all. We got here having missed the first support band (we decided thay sounded pretty dire so that was intentional) we were in the upstairs seated area but found a row were there was standing room only and secured our place. The support band 'Suburban Legends' were pretty good, they had lots of energy which is contagious at a gig, it spreads through the audience and even the most uptight people will start to jig about-I know I was one of them (until I found the bar and started seriously drinking). They had some funny little dances and did a cover of the Lion Kings 'I just can't wait to be king' which I thought was a great song and I jumped about loving it not realising it was a cover as I've never seen the Lion King. Watching the discordant dance of the lead singer I notice he has the worst (and only) case of camel toe I have ever seen on a man! There are two girls stood slightyl behind us cracking up and I wonder if that is what they are laughing at. White trousers and camel toe, genius! Laughing makes me want to pee and the toilets at the Forum are a real treat, they smell like coconut and there is no cue, I even have a chioce of cubicle, they all look clean and have toilet paper-that's important to us girllies. I come back to our 'patch' to find Mark swaying in perfect time with two larger girls on his left holding onto the rail in front of them, this makes me smile warmly-I do love him, I realise I whinge, but he has tried so hard since that thing and he's sorry and wants us to be happy again, so we will be, we are-I'm not letting it eat away at me any more. Enough of that, again.

Let me jump forward a bit to RBF they were better than the last time I saw them, I think my panic got the better of me then and I spent most of the evening determined to not have a good time, so I watched the clock. This time I sung, danced and waved my arms about. Standing on Marks left side jabbing the air and pretending to be left handed myself-if I'm going to try it it may as well be at a ska gig-who's going to notice if I'm out of time? Somebody's started a conga line that's going up and down the top ailses so I join on the back gripping some sweaty topless teenager and kicking my legs as we head towards the back bar, the graze and bruise on my knee tells me I fell over and I think this is when it happened but my pickled brain doesn't have this information for certain. The conga turns into a ring of people doing the crazy boy dance ina big circle at the end of the bar, looking down all I see are shoes kicking in time with each other, left right left right. My floral DMs along side Converse and Airwalk and those crappy £5 pumps that seem to be fasionable now. After the song the group disperse back their friends as I walk off I say to a blonde dread locked lad "that was worth joining the conga for!" And it was.

The highlight of the night was RBF's cover of "Nothin but a good time" by LA guns-look it up, it's classic hair metal, it's my all time favourite genre and now it's being covered by a wel repected ska band. I shout the words into the crowd and I seem to be the only person in the room that knows it. I found out later that this is not so, speaking to a bloke on the tier above me we agreed that it was an awsome cover but the young audience had no idea what was going on, we high fived as I said if they played a little skid row we could empty this place, he smiled and went on his merry way with his friend probably looking for more beer.

So we left the Forum, having had a great night and not wanting it to end just yet we (I) stumble into a nearby pub. After the 6 cans of beer I've had at the gig I think I need something lighter-kopperberg will do the trick nicely. There are shelves lining the wall and Mark goes to look at the books and comes back abruptly after spotting Princess Di and Planet Earth and having read the later and having no interest in th firsy decided to call it a day. We plodded onto the tube and got off to change at Kings Cross but although we ran, we got to the platform just in time to see the last Hammersmith & City line train slink through the tunnel. Shit.

So it's an underground/overground journey home for us, but at least I know which bus to get from here. Come th morning I've completely forgotten the journey home and looking at my knee with equal confusion. Mark reminded me and we danced to songs from the lion king around the kitchen/living area. I'm not feeling to shabby considering the alcohol induced memory loss I'm suffering! The best bit of that day was hugging and remembering how and why we first told the other that we love them. On his part it was gestures and patience that paved the way, from me it was his innocence and and the excitement he held.

"When you said 'the ball's in your court' I knew I loved you"

Mornings are my new favourite time of day

Because this morning an impromptu burst of Reel big fishes "Sell Out" really cheered me up. Even made me look forward to seeing them again, it won't be like last time, it's a different venue and everything. We'll sing (shout) along and probably jump around a bit where we're standing.

Also mornings are full of sunshine, so much so that I have to wear shades and sunshine always makes me smile, even if it's cold sunshine.

We're going to see Tom Rodwell tomorrow too. I may be working overtime everyday this week-and bunking off of my pub job to do it-but I don't feel bad about it and it will pay for the stupid spending in Brighton last weekend, which is something I have to do before I even think of purchasing a sewing machine and starting my new hobby.